dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
