and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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