She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
