So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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