He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he fucked my hip out of place.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
