Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
