did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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