**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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