May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This toilet bowl is my home.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
