if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
