I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
