I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
