It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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