Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
