Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
