If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
