i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You are a genius and a whore.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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