after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
