I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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