her vagine was all disorganized.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
