I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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