Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
