Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
