My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
