even my farts smell like vagina
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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