Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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