oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
