hotel room ftw
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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