She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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