she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
