you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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