Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
