I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
