Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
