I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
