Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
