If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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