Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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