dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
