On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
