Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
