help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
