im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Bring me that man meat
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
