so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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