Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
is it fun? or sober?
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