he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
