Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am naked and annoyed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
