i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
