I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
