i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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