um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
