Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
